just started sobbing bc all of these member posts are really solidifying this for me, especially the ziam one (as you guys know were my source of happiness for so many years) it seems like the feeling is getting worse the more time is passing i’m just in disbelief
it’s crazy to think that memories you’ve had for years will just never look or feel the same again. all those memories from 2012 when i first got into 1D, all the concerts, all the songs and the first time hearing those songs, the first time watching music videos, the posts and memes here on tumblr… like none of it will ever feel the same. it’ll always be tinged by loss and a degree of emptiness from here on out.
I said it yesterday but I am so fucking glad this fandom, even with all its faults, exists. I have made some forever friends because of 1D and I will be grateful til the end of time because of them.
And this little pocket of the internet has felt safe, and I genuinely hope that you know that you can sit with your grief and feelings here and know you’re loved and supported.
liam. oh liam. god. he was the one i worried so much about ever since the band. like, it used to be zayn but when zayn left and grew i thought “ok, he’s going to be ok” because you could see after a while that the band was not good for zayn. you could see it. but liam, god. he carried so much weight, all the time. from the band all the way to the present, he was the guy who was supposed to be put together. he was “daddy direction” he was. yeah. he was that guy. and i know it weighed on him. i KNOW it did. the drinking and the fucking spiraling he went through after the band, it was all connected. and i’m not. defending his choices, i’m not. but i’m grieving him and i’m aching for him, and. i just wanted him to be okay. i really really thought that he would be okay. and he’s not. and i’m. fucking heartbroken about it.
you know the post that’s like: one day I’ll be 45 at a party and ill hear a one direction song and ill be dancing my heart out because I never learned to love anything as much as I love one direction?……… yeah…….thinking of that right now
it’s the way that i saw people online in the past two weeks absolutely attacking him and making fun of him and calling him cringe and demanding he take accountability (which… this part is understandable) and now he’s no longer here. it’s just. like it’s just that. and also for me, it’s the fact that for years now i feel like, even if i wasn’t ever a liam girlie i vaguely knew he was never okay and hoped he had some help.
